Getting over no and moving past rejection
The entertainment industry is filled with rejection. Big Tech is filled with rejection (see: recent layoffs). In fact, all industries are filled with rejection. You know this. But that doesn’t make it any easier when it happens to you.
If you’ve recently been rejected from a job, a dream, a person, or a situation, I feel for you. I’m bummed on your behalf. I can only imagine how you feel.
But if you were recently rejected, I’m also very proud of you. Proud? Yes, proud. You put yourself in a situation where you could be rejected. This takes courage. You’re putting yourself out there. And no matter the sector, putting yourself out there is your job. The amount of times I’ve been told “no,” the amount of times I’ve been rejected, the amount of times I’ve been turned away could fill, as they say, volumes. And if I’m living (which, by all accounts, I AM!), there will be more rejections in store around the corner.
The solution is to receive enough “yeses” to offset every “no”
In her book, Thinking in Bets, Annie Duke compares life to being more like poker than chess. In life, there is no chessboard (not to be confused with “cheeseboard,” which is muy delicious). In life, there are no absolute Kings and Queens that hold all of the power. And in life, knights certainly don’t move in an “L” shape, at least, not that I’ve seen. Rather, life is a game of probabilities. Everything is a bet and nothing is fully guaranteed.
Except (and accept) one: rejection
I’ve known a few people who track their rejections. If this works for you, you do you. This doesn’t work for me. Instead, I remind myself that there are a LOT of “nos” on the road to every “yes.” And as I rush toward more “nos,” when I receive a hard-won “yes,” I pat myself on the back with a little more gusto. I remind myself…
You went through a lot of “nos” to get here
Once upon a time I trained with a voice actor who gave me the following advice. He told me that whenever he auditions or applies for something or puts himself out there or asks for something he deeply wants or does something brave, etc. he says to himself:
"This or something better is now happening for me."
This or something is now happening for you, also. In other words, on the other side of every no, something better is on the way. And the more “nos” you receive, the more other-sides you have.
No rejection
I’m telling you this because it’s advice that I need to be reminded of, also. Being rejected sucks. It hurts. But it doesn’t have to define you.
When I was in LA, I got so frustrated by all of “nos” and “waits” that I left. Sure, I was hotheaded, but it was also something I needed to do. I needed to get my head right. Interestingly, when I decided to leave, I was the one saying, “no.” I was the one saying, “not like this.”
Following the yes
Exclusivity is a game to create scarcity to drive arbitrary or perceived value. Don’t let that game creep into your self-worth. It has no place there.
Keep going
If you’re reading this, I’m very proud of you. Listen to everything. Do as much as you can. Ask yourself: what do YOU like? What do you dislike? And why? Find your own sound, your own style, and your own sensibility. Judy Greer was once told that she’d never work if she didn’t get rid of her midwest accent (you can hear her story on this episode of WTF with Marc Maron). Also interestingly, she started getting cast BECAUSE of it.
You define your worth, not rejection
You are so much more than the way you sound, what you do, and, of course, any “no” or rejection. Coincidentally, you are so much more than any “yes” either. Both “yes” and “no” can be traps if you let them.
