Lessons from Grief: What My Mother’s Death Helped Me Understand About Living
Just over two years ago, my mom died. Hard to believe it’s been that long. If you’d like, you can read more about it here. And yet, on the anniversary of her passing, I found myself feeling…good. Though odd, this seemed positive.
Acceptance, of course, is the final stage of grief (but grief is neither resolute nor conclusive). Yet for me, acceptance wasn’t just about my mom’s death; it was about my life. Since her passing, I find myself saying more and more: “I’m so happy to be here.”
Why this matters: it’s easy to be negative. In fact, it’s human to use negativity more than positive information to make sense of the world. But in accepting my mom’s death, I contend with the eventual end of my own (and yet hope this won’t be for a long time). It’s wild to think about. Whatever your beliefs, whatever your opinions on the afterlife or lack thereof, we can agree that the known will go. The doctor who birthed me (he’s my dad’s neighbor) recently said, “Growing old is not for the faint of heart. I’m not saying NOT to do it. It’s just tough.” At 80, he recently survived a stroke. This takes me back to the above.
“I’m so happy to be here.”
The true gift of grief, as I see it, is a clearer sense of temporality and a growing sense of gratitude.
To be clear, I’m neither claiming to be done grieving nor an expert. Just the other night I struggled to sleep while thinking about my mom in her hospital bed. Some professionals might call this an intrusive thought. Perhaps and yet it was also a reminder. Though painful, I remain so happy to be here.
I’m so happy you’re here, too.
What lessons have you learned from grief? Reply here and let me know.
A book that enhanced my lessons from grief: *H Is for Hawk by Helen Macdonald
On a lark (see what I did there?), I read this book in 2017. While it sparked a passion for birds of prey, it also paved the way for my grief processing. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was readying myself. Here’s a taste of H is for Hawk:
"There is a time in life when you expect the world to be always full of new things. And then comes a day when you realize that is not how it will be at all. You see that life will become a thing made of holes. Absences. Losses. Things that were there and are no longer. And you realize, too, that you have to grow around and between the gaps, though you can put your hand out to where things were and feel that tense, shining dullness of the space where the memories are."
A resource that I started using for my health: *Optimum Nutrition Micronized Creatine Monohydrate, Unflavored
Creatine is one of the most researched and effective supplements for improving exercise performance. For most people, creatine is a safe and effective supplement, especially for athletes, bodybuilders, and those engaging in high-intensity training. I take 5g a day. In the beginning, I found staying hydrated to be the biggest challenge, but this quickly subsided. I use Optimum Nutrition Micronized Creatine Monohydrate, but there are many on the market. Plus, I recommend consulting with a doctor before changing your diet or taking any supplements. I’m not a doctor and I certainly don’t play one here.
