Psychology
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What Losing a Parent Taught Me About Living
Four Years Later Four years have passed since my mom died. In that time, friends and family have lost more people. My grandmother died a year ago. My uncle died over the summer. I can’t speak for anyone else’s grief—it’s unique, unruly, and on a timeline of its own. But time and loss have taught me two more things about my own. [I wrote about losing my mom a few years ago. You can read that piece here.] But first, a moment from before Four months before my mom died, she called me to say goodbye. It was this time of year—October—on a Saturday. My wife and I were walking…
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Every story is a ghost story
We’re all haunted by emotional ghosts of the past, present, and, future… The older I get, the more I realize I’m surrounded and consumed by ghosts. There are obvious ghosts of the past, sure, like my deceased mom and grandmother. But then there are the more insidious and illusive ghosts in everyday life like people known, places lived, and stories — both mine and others. Of course, not all of these subconscious influences are harmful. They’re human. But without awareness some ghosts can be quite powerful. Plus, next to each type of ghost — ghosts of the body and blood; ghosts of the mind; ghosts in the language; ghosts of…
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What Is an Influencer? Rethinking Influence Beyond Social Media
Should You Become an Influencer? The commercial influencer economy is enormous. An estimated 67 million people worldwide identify as content creators, up 34% in just two years (Goldman Sachs, 2025). At the same time, the global influencer marketing industry was projected to reach around $32.55 BILLION in 2025 (Statista, 2025). (ICYMI — I explored another multibillion-dollar media market recently. For added context, read about it here.) A multibillion-dollar industry…but for whom? Although the market is big, the financial reality for most creators isn’t. Consider: CreatorIQ’s State of Creators 2026 found that about 5% of surveyed creators earned more than $100,000 annually, while 67% earned less than $10,000 from their content.…
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Possible Selves: the person you hope to be, fear becoming, and are
There’s a gap in your perception. And the reality is, you likely exist somewhere between who you hope to be, who you fear you are, and who you actually are. We’re all like this—to some degree. Psychologists call these our possible selves: who we hope to become, who we fear becoming, and the other versions of us we carry around in our heads (Markus & Nurius, 1986). If noticed, we can use them to our advantage. But the best news? None of them is absolute. And none of them is entirely real. Possible selves, three main versions At one end, there’s the person you hope to be. This is who…
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Where you stand is rarely the whole ground
Layers of problem-solving When it comes to the layers of problem-solving, there’s the thing. And then there’s the other thing. There’s what meets the eye and the support. The object and the intention. What’s known and everything else. Your voice…and the reason you open your mouth. Both co-exist and yet most of us often only consider one level. This is normal; we’re looking at the level that meets the senses. Unfortunately, our senses neither fully address the scope of problems nor the shape of solutions. How Small Issues Become Big Problems Over Time Here’s an example: a leak in my kitchen destroyed the floor. Flooring, I learned, is much more…
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Anger, my dog of war
What my dog taught me about anger I struggle with anger. Or that’s the story I tell myself. For those of you into Astrology, I have a lot of Aries in my chart. For those of you not into Astrology, when I get mad, I get really mad. It’s palpable. My wife once told me that my anger can fill a room. Admittedly, I don’t hide it well. Some might call this being hot tempered. Others might call this a problem. In the past, my anger has cost me friends, relationships, and opportunities. Hence why I think I struggle. Today, however, I’m befriending my dog of war. Because anger isn’t…
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Distance running with my selves
Lace up your best long distance running shoes Now that it’s spring, I’m running outside. I love running. It’s my favorite. When I was a kid, my favorite sport was soccer because it covered the most ground. At the time, running felt like flying. It was otherworldly. In a sprint, I could move beyond myself. Today, my sense of “self” and moving beyond it are quite different. Running is less about flying and more about ghostbusting (another childhood favorite). Yet while I’d like to think, “I ain’t afraid of no ghosts,” sometimes, sadly, I run with them. The fact is, humans are multidimensional. So multidimensional that from a Dynamic Systems…
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From repetition to expertise
The art of effective learning strategies to master anything new Repeat after me: when it comes to effective learning strategies, repetition is crucial. Exposure, on the other hand, is necessary but insufficient. Though helpful, exposure must be repeated and repeated at intervals. So at the risk of overstating, effective learning starts with reps. From Outliers, Gladwell posits 10,000 hours to greatness. Greatness, of course, may or may not be your goal. Maybe you just want to learn something new. Or maybe you simply want to be more effective. In any case, time invested is critical. You know this intuitively, but researchers suggest that doing something more than once improves your…
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No one’s been here that long
A mindfulness-for-anxiety perspective shift in modern life I’ve never done this before. Not just this writing. I mean this moment in time. And if I’ve never done this moment before, then (I imagine) neither have you. In fact, no one has. As far as I can tell. At the time of this writing, the oldest person alive was less than 117 years old. In the U.S., those over 100 account for about .03% of the population (though this number is on the rise). Globally, those over 100 account for about .01% (though this number is on the rise, also). Even with more centenarians alive today, that’s not a lot of…
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The gift of grief
Lessons from Grief: What My Mother’s Death Helped Me Understand About Living Just over two years ago, my mom died. Hard to believe it’s been that long. If you’d like, you can read more about it here. And yet, on the anniversary of her passing, I found myself feeling…good. Though odd, this seemed positive. Acceptance, of course, is the final stage of grief (but grief is neither resolute nor conclusive). Yet for me, acceptance wasn’t just about my mom’s death; it was about my life. Since her passing, I find myself saying more and more: “I’m so happy to be here.” Why this matters: it’s easy to be negative. In fact, it’s…
